"stage mom" and the attn economy
what are you paying attention to? AND what's draining your energy? HMM? 🤔
attention is our most precious resource - so figuring out how you are spending it is a judicious choice (esp. if you are stuck or not particularly thrilled with what’s showing up in your life rn)
ICYMI- I am a Projector which means my attention is my weapon, my drug, MY PRECIOUS1
To be intentional with attention - to truly have control over it and wield it, this is the battle and challenge of our lifetime (and not just against tech companies that have profited off our eyeballs on screens, etc)2
The challenges go beyond our phone + screen addictions and really have roots in modern advertising tactics which created needs from no needs - which created fears and insecurities from no fears and insecurities...
CODEPENDENCY AND CAPITALISM … BEING A WOMAN AND BEAUTY CULTURE…
to be clear, we’re not diving into the complexities of all the things competing for your attention - we could of course, but rather this is about noticing WHERE is your attention going, what is your energy feeding, etc - because what we’re doing is bringing to light the mechanics of things that keep us stuck in patterns that likely do not serve us, or at the very least acknowledging these patterns so we can ACTIVELY choose to do them rather than be their servants.
When I took a hard look at where my time and attention resources were going I was like a journalist tracking campaign finances and finding a shell company of a shell company, LIKE OH DEAR IT’S GOING TO A COMPLETELY NEW THIRD PARTY ENTITY THAT NOBODY HAS HEARD OF ☠️ and then the prestige Netflix / hbo drama music gets very intense and grim …WHOS TAKING THE ATTENTION ⚠️ !!
ANYWAY the shell company is a greedy goblin who siphons my time and energy is “stage mom,” and yes you can picture all the worst parts of dance mom (a show I have never seen but like it turned out our sweet Jojo Siwa who’s really working out something rn so we can see how dangerous stage mom is, you know?)
somehow without even knowing really how (see paragraph above on tech, capitalism and beauty culture) all my energies and attention get gobbled up by her before they can reach me - because stage mom is a well developed coping mechanism formed from years of attempting to bulletproof myself from pain, shame, blame.
Stage Mom is PERFORMANCE.
It is FOR THE OTHER. mechanically it is what happens when you project out of your body and watch yourself interact with the world instead of experiencing it firsthand! It comes from shame! (Sparkle. Wink. Tap. TADA!!!)
stage mom watches me and whispers things like:
you look bad
this isn’t a good angle for your face
do they like you tho
what are they saying about me?
stage mom sucks out my energy and moves it outside of my body; disconnecting me from my awareness and messages. Stage mom’s power creates a smoke screen version of me where I become too busy trying to deliver what I THINK, what I ASSUME, other people want from me that I lose what I want in the process and don’t even realize that i’m stuck in stage mom’s grips.
(ps if you are stuck in codependency and looking to stop the cycle outlined above- might I suggest the work of Melody Beattie - I have her daily reader and it’s quite lovely)
Stage mom stems from insecurity -
Stage mom needs external approval and validation and can’t exist without audience input: I care so much about your feelings and minimizing my impact on you that I turn down my needs, I prioritize your perceived reality over my own. I disconnect from myself, because what if my needs conflict with yours? What if who I am is different than your idea of who I am?
As a woman // person in a woman’s body, it has felt like the invisible goalposts I’ve been aiming for center around being small, being likable, popular, seamless and frictionless… this is what stage mom wants to get to in order to secure a sense of safety.
it’s fear that if I have needs that lead me outside the norm, those needs will threaten my safety and security - which is why we must have compassion towards ourselves and others who are in these loops and patterns where authentic action seems unsafe and impossible.
These are real fears and build from things we see in the news all the time to reinforce our fear and to keep us “in line” the better to buy more products and keep consuming!
WOOFTOWN.
BUT THIS IS THE CONDITIONING OF SOCIETY! WORKING TO KEEP US NUMB TO OUR OWN DESIRES!! (IM LEANING INTO MY FULL 8TH HOUSE INTENSITY CAN YOU TELL?)
Building from last letter’s theme of being seen and taking up space - inner me (real me? VULNERABLE ME 🥺) has learned to hide behind stage mom because when I come out on my little Bambi legs, I slip and slide and maybe make a mess of things and it’s ‘easier’ to create a persona than take the hit of being real (the disappointment loop strikes again)
Overcoming / disarming “stage mom” feels like a final boss moment for me
it’s certainly not a finished process - but since I identified this actively happening in my life (approximately 7 years ago) I’ve been working to center myself and my needs in my life. I’ve been moving from watching my life to experiencing my life. It’s been a bit 2 steps forward 1 step back - as I’ve had some pretty dramatic challenges the last few years but some pretty high highs as well.
When we take back our energy through attempts to train our attention and live in our own flow - I think that’s the real thrill we seek, to live fully as ourselves, expressing into the world. Accepting it, living it. We think we want all these other things - popularity, beauty, wealth - but truly I think what we seek is to live as ourselves which is rewarding beyond material measure.
If this is something you're working on - Human Design can be a fun way into your energy and back into your body - but guess what, it’s not the only way. There are so many avenues back to yourself. THAT BEING SAID - if you want to talk about your design - I’d love to work with you.
my cal to book or check out my offerings is here - I’m realizing more + more than my niche is helping people through crossroads, getting unstuck, and remembering who they are at their core. If that sounds like something you need reflecting and discussion around, you know where to find me.
until next time,
Jennifer Thomas Gage
If you enjoy my work and want to support it - consider being a paid subscriber or sending this to a friend. Your support keeps these operations happening ✌️
If you follow me on IG you might have seen that I think we should all be v delush this July and set our sights on calling in something really juicy and fun.
Play with your ability to manifest, tune in and change your reality.
Please feel free to drop me a line or let us know in the comments what you are calling in this summer
