surrender, clearing + acceptance
not just the step after desperation!
April continues to be tense energetic weather (im sure this isn’t news to you)
Taurus season has been here for about a week and on 4.27.25 we move into the new moon - a time of both planting and calling in - an ideal entry point where a new chapter can emerge.
the duality of new chapters involves both accepting what is and clearing out anything that’s stagnant (shaking out the rugs so to speak).
I bring this up because new chapters can usher in anxiety, what do I need to do? What do I need to add? There can be tension in believing you must hold a pose that is uncomfortable and stick with it until it fully manifests around you. What I’m seeing is the opposite. As I explain what I do to people who are unfamiliar with Human Design, I’ve realized that it’s not a process of addition at all. Let go and let go and let go until there’s nothing left but you and your pure desire. It is from this place that things start to really get interesting.
Aligning with your energy is a process of subtraction; it is a process of releasing control - it is surrender embodied.
Surrender can be a very misunderstood energetic
surrender is frequently branded as a last resort; the free fall after desperation (cue the mad men opening credits)
desperation is clinging to control; which is why it is often the final threshold that separates you from integrating (surrendering) into your authentic life (not an end point, but an entry point back in your resonant energy)
I’ve been at the intersection of desperation and surrender so much recently that I have been able to parse out the crux of the internal tension I’ve been sitting in; if I move out of desperation town I lose (perceived) control but I gain being seen in my “real” or natural energy. Real is resonant and it is precisely my fear of this resonance that keeps me at this crossroads.
If I surrender, the Truth (yes capital T truth) will emerge and you’ll see that everything I’ve tried to carefully arrange has been to protect my tender truth from being exposed.
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The tender truth is that each time I go through a time of tension, I am again face to face with the fact that I am a very deeply spiritual person. you can take out of the church but you can’t take the teachings away from me!
They haunt me and now it’s all I can think about - how my understanding of the gospels and the New Testament provided the structure for everything I learn about energy. IT IS ALL THE SAME. I fear speaking about this for the same reason I left the church - I do not want to be associated with the culture of christianity. I was deeply harmed by the church, but what I learned from my extensive time with the scriptures continues to be a place of peace. WHEW.
living in surrender is the most pure expression of faith (which is the point of Human Design!)
Finding human design has shown me that there are so many keys to the same Truth - that when we really just “let go and let god” that’s when the ride begins.
Surrendering to yourself = being so comfortable in your energy, being so connected to your body that you are not gripping to the externals to validate you, that you are able to move through life like water, flowing + gentle (nimble spirit)
This is what I learned from my time in bible study - that when you are deeply in faith you are going to have some weird friction- between you and your expectations, between you and your culture, between what you think you are meant to want and what is actually happening.
living in a surrendered state is living from trust and faith in the body (and ultimately allowing yourself to go on the ride)
I gave up trying to find a place for my faith within a church community around 2005 because I was increasingly at odds with the people and culture. The following years were deeply unmooring to me because I didn’t have a container anymore for what I knew to be true about me - and it wasn’t until I connected with the energy healing world that I began to come back online feeling whole again.
As I’ve ventured deeper into the energy world, I see that my faith (trusting myself) has always been an essential part of who I am. Even though I wasn’t lifted up in my church community for my understanding, I finally see that I wasn’t wrong in how I interpreted the gospels (my understanding from the parables, etc was essentially this - we’re meant to see beyond the physical world and through meditation and practice, we can) the deeper meanings often remain hidden in plain sight.
Being a projector settled my spirit. I am not here to convince anyone to see things my way. You can either hear my message or not, therefore surrender for me has come to mean acceptance, a stripping away - being okay with this fundamental truth and exposing it instead of covering it up.
All this to say, Matthew 13; 45-46 keeps playing in my head:
45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, 46 who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”
I’ve always loved this passage because of the transmutation required. we give up one life for another. we trade in the old for the new - this is about taking a risk - giving up on the comforts of fitting in and playing small to be who you really are - when we surrender, we let go of our control to ultimately accept that we are who we are.
this is the essence of what human design is all about - can you let go of shadowboxing the not self and trying to be someone else in service of your own energy?
Human Design is about understanding your form and function - embracing your natural talents and inclinations and recognition that others have other forms and functions so that we create a tapestry together
relaxing into this is this point.
If you are in LA and want to gather in community about religious trauma and talking about the gospels from a purely energetic pov - I’m gathering a small group for “girl church” to do just that - you can reply to this email or reach out to me directly at hello@jenigage.com
<3