(Re)finding yourself
COMPASSION AND GRATITUDE FOR THE JOURNEY (DO YOU FEEL THIS FULL MOON + ECLIPSE)
If you follow me on IG you’ve likely seen in my stories that I was mentioned in ELLE Magazine as a Human Design Reader in their “ELLE’s Modern Wellness Guide” which is v thrilling to me! As a kid and growing up, magazines were LIFE to me - so to have my name in one is such a fun full circle moment.
As a Projector, seeing myself is difficult (it is simply the mechanic of the aura, so that’s every projector, btw) therefore when people reflect back what they see from me and in me, I am mostly floored - to have my name alongside some real heavy hitters in the wellness sphere, well - wow, it’s an honor.
books are still open for 1:1 sessions for the month of March (side note - how are we already one week down in march ??) if this eclipse season is hitting you and you need an energetic re-up - I got you
the astrology right now is POPPING OFF. You feel it. I know because I talk to so many of you and we’re all talking about this. This eclipse portal (in virgo) that coincides with the full moon (on 3/13) is continuing the work we started in September ‘24 - so if you keep a journal, which you know I highly recommend FOR THESE THINGS IN PARTICULAR - go back and see what was happening. (of course with astrology, nothing is as simple as that, so consult your local astro girlie to get the full scoop on how this is affecting your planetary imprint) for me - and my personal astrology, it is reaching back to 2017 which is like …
as 2017 is when the work for me really began to pick up momentum. I am blown away that was 8 years ago (cue the gratitude for myself and my path) but also, that was the start of my personal freedom project which continues today.
I’ve learned and grown so much it is difficult to put it into words (but I will always try as that is what I write about) - when everything was falling apart in my life in 2021, I said to my therapist- I feel like I see the other side, but I drown or swim back to safety when I start to make progress because it’s too much to face. I went in circles for a long time. BUT IN 2024, I DECLARED I WAS DETERMINED TO MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE. And like one of my fav tiktok sounds (I took the drugs and the drugs are working) WHEN YOU COMMIT TO THE WORK THE WORK DOES WORK.
here’s what I’m integrating now with this full moon eclipse portal:
how we approach our own healing is just as important as the healing work itself
im beginning to think that how we speak to ourselves and how we regard ourselves is the foundation of everything - and I mean everything !!! How we speak and see ourselves shapes our pov + how you experience your reality - so if you are living with chronic shame (or perfectionism which at this point mechanically I think the same thing) you are not fully available to the present moment and if you aren’t in the present moment, you are not fully in your own power (and agency)
I’ve finally gotten to this place where I realize it’s not about never talking about the past again or trying to “spotless mind” yourself about things that have happened, but rather coming to this place of peace.
I am not my trauma - I do not have to hide it but I also don’t have to keep my self stuck in it either. I’m not worried about people judging me for my past because I’M NO LONGER HOLDING MYSELF HOSTAGE TO THE PAST.
In order to move forward into the present moment, I had to allow myself to complete a few cycles -
So much of our life is stopping our natural flow - i.e., we’re upset during a meeting and we hold back the tears and swallow our anger (that anger doesn’t just poof off, it lodges itself in you to be unboxed later) and here’s the thing, you can keep kicking the can down the road - BUT EVENTUALLY THE ROAD ENDS AND YOU’VE GOT TO CLEAR THE BLOCK.
This is where somatic work and movement really shine - you know that saying, ‘when it is hysterical, it is historical?” let that be a guide back into your body. If something triggers you, take it into movement and see what needs to be looked at, held, completed. I promise when you really look at what’s upsetting you, it dissolves into the most simple things. Learn to validate your own feelings and not be afraid of them. I’ve been talking with my friends (and therapist obvi) so much about things I’ve been afraid to talk about before now - and giving the secret things airtime takes the charge out of it.
Acceptance, compassion + gratitude are really powerful tools for bringing the whole self back online.
Through exploring my own shame (in this newsletter, in therapy, just generally in conversation with friends, etc) I’ve found that the things I’ve attached shame to become so powerful SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE I’ve decided they are shameful! There is not universal list that is the shame list. Listen to what your friend is embarrassed by, it’s likely not the same as what you are embarrassed from. So much energy is used to lock these moments away (from myself, from others) that they become much more powerful than if they were in plain sight and other people aren’t judging us as harshly as we think.
In short, own it. We can only be triggered by things we agree with (YUP)
The more I face the things I’ve felt shame over, the more I can look and see how much they aren’t things I need to be afraid of anymore. The way that I’ve become whole again (present in the moment, living in my body, sleeping at night) is to acknowledge those things and removing the charge from the triggering events through self-compassion.
This eclipse portal has been so potent for my own compassion and gratitude. I’ve been overcome this week thinking about how proud my younger self would be - fully working for myself; in control of my schedule, completely unhooked from diet culture + able to show up for relationships from a healed place of knowing I’m a whole person. I do not need validation from anyone else or anyone to “complete” me. I don’t do things out of obligation - I believe in my own agency and center myself in my own life. it’s been a bumpy path - but i’m here, in the present moment, able to see beyond the maia.
What has gotten me here is no longer running from my path, but embracing my path. If we’re triggered and running from our shame and perceived faults - we cannot hear our intuitive hits, we cannot live life from love.
So much of this work is returning to ourselves, returning to our bodies, returning to the present moment.
as is frequently the message - if you are finding yourself gripping - ask yourself why - what if you let that thing naturally fall away (or see if it stays of its own volition)
trust yourself, trust the process, trust your messages.
with eclipse portals - we’re really being asked to surrender and when we surrender, wheweeee that’s when things get interesting.
talk to you soon.
xx, j. thomas gage